I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
