I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
