If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
