I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
