lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
