he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
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just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
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You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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