No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
