like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I could fuck to npr.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
