Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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