I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
