I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
