I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
