Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
