2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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