So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
