Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
