and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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