and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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