my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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