my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize