Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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