do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
