Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
