we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
