no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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