I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
