What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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