you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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