I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
