the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
