i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
