a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
