sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
foreskin is a definite game changer
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
