This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
