i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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