someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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