I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
