That's intense
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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