She is in my trunk
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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