I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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