So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
