we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
