he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Boobs speak an international language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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