you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
