I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?