go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Drunk is not a location!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
