I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
