So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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