well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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