What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Actions speak louder than pants.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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