I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
