he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
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I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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