how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
