Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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