Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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