Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
