even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All the doctor said was why
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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