I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
